Garbage Day Randomness

~Last year, I gave myself a really awesome birthday present- the gift of self acceptance (read the post here)- and it was honestly the best thing I've ever done. It was also the most difficult (a 30 page piano concerto is nothing compared to getting over an eating disorder). The gift of acceptance hasn't been easy and it hasn't always made me happy. There have been days when the scale has hung over my head like a dark and damaging cloud, telling me that I can't be lovable, pretty, content, or successful unless I force myself back down to 94 pounds. There have been days when I haven't wanted to leave the house because I wasn't skinny enough to be seen in public (you don't need to tell me this is ridiculous- believe me, I already know...).

Breaking the eating disorder habit has been frustrating and challenging and I've cried more times that I care to admit, but throughout the past 12 months, I've stayed committed to myself. I've just keep reminding myself to be on my side. It's been a long year, but it's also been a year of growth and strengthening for me and on the eve of my 29th birthday, I must say that I'm proud of myself. I'm still not completely at ease with my body image- and I'm pretty sure I never will be- but I'm proud that I have a strong and able body. I'm proud of myself for eating well and preparing for an upcoming half marathon. I'm proud of myself for setting a healthy example for Harper. I never want her to obsess over food and body weight. Never. Ever. Ever.

 I'd like to talk a little more about the past year and about finally saying goodbye to a controlling food obsession but today isn't the day. I'm getting ready for a weekend in the mountains with the people that I love most so we will just have to get to that next week. It's nearly my birthday, after all, and I don't feel much like crying.

~I've been reading a lot lately and it's felt really good to just drown in books instead of twiddling away time on pinterest or facebook. I haven't read much since we moved. I don't know if I just got out of the habit or what but a recent visit (or three) to the library turned that right around and I'm back to the bookworm life, reading all night and daydreaming about fictional people and places all day.

I just finished a historical novel about Nazi Germany, Those Who Save Us, by Jenna Blum. I don't know how I'd never read or heard of this one before now (it came out in 2004). I loved it. The author intentionally didn't use any quotation marks, making the reader feel as if they are really in the story and not just reading about it. If you enjoy historical fiction or books about the mother/daughter relationship, I'd give this a read.

I'll share more recent favorites next week when I'm back from my birthday weekend camp out (which is, just so you know, going to be awesome- times a million!).

~I love the Olympics. Love them. And I love Micheal Phelps (he's one of my very few boy crushes). And Gabby Douglas. I love that girl and I cried a ridiculous amount of tears last night when she took gold.  

~I had my hair done yesterday and I'm seriously so happy. It feels amazing to have fresh color (my stylist, by the way was very impressed with the state of my hair... after three months, I still don't have any split ends and I'm pretty sure it's all due to olive oil... have you tried it yet?). Harper joined me at the salon and had a little trim herself. It was her first official salon visit and I could tell that she thought herself to be pretty fancy (just as long as Whit didn't use the blow dryer... Harper hate blow dryers). She did quite well and couldn't wait to tell Colt all about it when we got home.

I think that's about it. I need to get off the computer and finish packing for the weekend. I'm so excited to spend my birthday with the rock stars of my life and I'm surprisingly okay with the fact that I'm turning 29. I've decided that, like wine, I'm going to just get better with age. 

Be sure to eat a cupcake for me tomorrow, okay? If you are feeling especially festive, have a dance party, too. If not, that's okay. Either way, have a wonderful weekend.

Much love!