I know I'm behind on our SLC Saturday project. A weekend in Vegas and a week's worth of sickness have gotten in the way. In fact, the week's worth of sickness has wedged it's way into nearly every aspect of my life. Seriously, if you came to my house this evening you would think that either I've gone crazy or my alien (and much messier) doppelganger has secretly moved in and replaced me. There is no exaggeration here. Harper's pajamas from last night are still in the living room where she took them off. So are two pair of her shoes, an empty ice cream bowl, a sippy cup, and a spoon. EVERY laundry basket in the house is overflowing. My kitchen counter is nearly hidden. My flat iron isn't put away. Neither are my brushes, hair products, or the clothes I wore to dinner earlier today. This kind of lazy slob behavior is completely atypical of me. Just ask Colt. I normally can't sit down and relax until everything is cleaned, organized, and put away.
Surprisingly enough, the current state of my house is not that disturbing to me. I'm actually comfortable with it. I'll admit, I'm in a funk. It's not just the sickness. My mind is a mess these days- it's racing with all sorts of intense/confusing/questioning thoughts and I do believe that I've let my house become a reflection of it. The thoughts themselves are deeply personal so I will not be sharing them. However, I feel a need to explain my complete lack of presence lately. I've barely been reading blogs or posting to my own. If you know me personally, you know I haven't been returning calls and have even struggled to respond to text messages. I'm sorry. I will be better soon, I promise. I've looked long and hard at my problem and have developed a cure.
You see, my friends, I think this problem is, at least in part, due to the fact that I've let certain important elements of my life slide. Some of them have been missing for months and others only a week but I do think that the reason I feel like less than half of a person has to do with the with my forgetting about those things that make me whole. It hasn't been intentional. Such a travesty never would be. I'm afraid that I've let life (chores, work, other's needs) get in the way. I haven't been listening to music. More importantly, I haven't been PLAYING music. Without the piano, I am not a whole person. Without piano, I am quite empty inside. I haven't been singing. I haven't been exercising. I haven't unrolled my yoga mat in months. Actually, I have TWO yoga mats and I haven't touched either of them for far too long and most recently, I haven't been reading. That's right. I haven't opened a book in two weeks. I don't think I've gone that long without reading since I was in kindergarten and before then, I couldn't really read so I didn't know what I was missing. It's safe to say that without music, literature, or yoga, I haven't been living- because those are the things that bring me to life. Subsequently, they are also the things that will bring help me find the mental peace that I've recently been in need of. There has never been a worry or thought that couldn't be calmed by a couple of hours at the piano and there is no clarity that can escape me when I'm on my yoga mat. Therefore my self-assigned cure for my self-diagnosed funk is as follows: daily (and large) doses of music, movement, and written words. No longer will I let laundry and vacuuming take precedence over Bach, Chopin, Tolstoy, or a nice long stretch. No more.
Anyway, let's move on to the SLC Saturdays project. Over the weekend, Colt and I took Harper to The Living Planet Aquarium. We went on Saturday and it was crowded... really crowded. That didn't keep Harper from having her fun and getting plenty of practice signing "fish." (I forgot my camera- blame it on the funk- so once again, I'm offering you poor quality iPhone pics. Sorry.)
You can't tell but in this photo, I'm wearing my "I heart boys" shirt.
So, we liked the aquarium okay. It's not Sea World and it's certainly not the floor-to-ceiling aquarium I went to once in Japan but for Harper, it was enough. If we go back, it will certainly not be on a Saturday. I just can't handle that many people in a small space, especially when so many of them are annoying teenage girls. We have a plethora of silly, giggly girls in front of us. I'm sure they were 14 or 15 and I'm definitely sure that they were beyond annoying. As I was watching them (with a dirty look on my face, no doubt) I had a startling revelation. Someday, Harper will be one of them. She will be an annoying teenage girl. I've never thought about this before. I've never pictured Harper as anything more than my sweet, darling, perfect little girl because in that form, she is easy to love. As a teen, I was not easy to love. I'm pretty sure most teens are not easy to love and I'm certain that Harper will be no exception. So on Saturday, at the overcrowded and non-Sea World aquarium, I made myself a secret promise. I made Harper a promise. I promised to love her and find good in her every day of her teen years, no matter how annoying she is.
