Pure Chaos with a Side of Snuggles

I've learned some pretty profound lessons from parenthood. Harper has taught me about true love, patience, never saying never, and so much more. I'm so thankful for these lessons, hard as they may be at times. I've felt myself growing and changing constantly since Harper was born.

Recently, I've been learning a very big- and difficult- lesson from my feisty two year old.

I've been learning to live- and to enjoy life- amidst chaos. I don't want to be a nag to Harper. I don't want to be one of those moms who puts a clean house and organized schedule above spontaneity and fun. I want Harper to enjoy her surroundings and to have whatever she needs, for play and learning, at her disposal.

In order to do this, I've had to become comfortable with constant mess and clutter. I have had to resist the urge to put the crayon away after each use. Instead, I leave them out on the table so that Harper can color anytime she wants. I've had to learn to live with rooms (mine, hers, the living room, the kitchen) full of toys and books. I've also had to let go and be okay with Harper sporting messy hair and a swimming suit for nearly a week straight and never going to bed before 11:00 p.m. 

It hasn't been easy. At first, I thought that I could only be a good parent if my house, my kid, and my schedule were put perfectly together each day. Slowly, but surely, I've learned that being a parent, at least to a curious toddler named Harper, means the exact opposite.

Being a parent to Harper means messy rooms, sticky hands, uncombed hair, unique outfit choices, cous cous for breakfast and edamame and popsicles for dinner, and all sorts of other kinds of unexpected craziness.

Basically, being a mom to Harper means chaos- pure chaos that's totally worth it because it comes with lots of delicious snuggles, kisses, dance parties, and giggles.

Harper doesn't need a clean house, or even a clean face, to be happy. She could care less if our floors are vacuumed and polished on a daily basis and she is just as happy with cereal for dinner as she is with something fancy (fancy, in regards to my cooking, is a very broad term... I've yet to make anything truly fancy... baked salmon and cous cous is about as fancy as we get). All Harper needs is love and lots of space in which to learn, grow, play, and dance, and I'm doing my best to give it to her. 

The really cool thing about this lesson is that it hasn't been good for just Harper. It's been a huge relief for me to let go of some ridiculous expectations and just enjoy life. In allowing for a messy house (and very often, a messy child), I've been able to spend a lot more time- quality time- with Harper. It's been wonderful to put her first because I know that chores will be here for forever (or at least until I hire a maid) while Harper won't. She's nearly three already, which means that before I know it, she'll be moving away to college, leaving me, my chores, and my broken heart to fend for ourselves. 

Who needs clean floors or organized toys when you can walk to Macey's for ice cream? Not me. 

A couple of days ago, Harper and I walked to the store for an ice cream.

I walked, at least.

Harper jumped, skipped, ran, galloped, and danced her way to the store for an ice cream.

A pink ice cream. With gummy bears.

Garbage Day Randomness and a Free Book

Friends! It's Friday, and none too soon, right?

I'll be starting a new Beauty Aisle Series next week: Beauty Aisle at Home. It's going to be all about at home pampering and homemade products (like masks!). If you have anything you'd like me to cover, leave me a comment.

So, I'm reading a new book. It's by my cousin (in-law), Amy Harmon (one of the most amazing women ever), and so far, I'm loving it. Slow Dance in Purgatory is the first book in Amy's series (more about her, her book, and how you can win signed copies of them on Monday!) and it's actually free (did you hear/read that right? I said FREE!) to download from Amazon until Sunday.


Because I'm terrible at summarizing books, here is the official synopsis from Amazon: Orphaned at the age of ten, 17-year-old Maggie finally finds a permanent home with her elderly aunt in a small Texas town. Working part-time at the local high school, she becomes enmeshed in a fifty-year-old unsolved mystery where nothing is as it seems. Who is the boy no one else can see? And what do you do when you fall for a ghost? This volatile and mismatched romance is doomed from its start, as Maggie struggles to hold on to yet another person she is destined to lose. Secret love and hushed affection are threatened by outside forces resulting in a terrifying race to stay alive. Deeply romantic, haunting and tragic, Slow Dance in Purgatory captures the heartache of a love story where there can be no happy ending.

Click here to get yours and hurry it up because Sunday is right around the corner (the free promotion is something Amy is doing as a celebration of the release of the second book, which came out earlier this week).

Does being related to a really great author make me feel more awesome? Yes. Of course it does.

What else is happening? Not much. I'm just really excited for the weekend. We've got some hiking and swimming and eating and movie watching planned. It's going to be awesome, as long as I can tear myself away from my new Kindle Fire long enough to enjoy it. I know I'm eating my words right now but seriously, I'm crazy for this new toy (many thanks to one of my favorite daycare families for giving it to me) and can't seem to put it down.

By the way... Digital library books are most likely the best thing ever. True story.

I was reading a regular book (which I still love and collect, by the way) the other day and was quite disappointed when I couldn't just touch a word and have its definition pop up for me. I had to put the book down and pick up my iPhone so I could use my Webster's app. I actually had to type the word into the search box. It took nearly a minute away from my reading time. Geez. First world problems can be so difficult.

The only problem with my Kindle Fire is that I have to share it with Harper (don't tell but I'm pretty sure that Santa is bringing Colt and Harper an iPad to share so that I can have my precious library of digital books all to myself). She loves it and plays all sorts of fun learning games every chance she gets.

Well, I'm off to enjoy the weekend with my favorite girls.

Have a good one and be sure to do something really awesome, okay?

Big Girl Gymnastics for Harper, Big Tears for Me

I had no idea that it would be so difficult to send Harper into her first big girl gymnastics class. I had no idea that, as she marched into the gym holding her teacher's hand, leaving me to sit and observe with the other parents, my heart would break and I would start crying in the middle of the waiting area. 

I always seem to underestimate how much emotion will come with these moments of change and therefore, I'm always unprepared. Had I known that watching her attend her first solo class would fill me with such an overwhelming amount of pride and heartache all at the same time and that I would be completely incapable of controlling my over-flowing tear ducts, I would probably have brought a tissue. 

Inspiring and Helpful Books on Parenting

One of the first things I did when I found out I was pregnant was go to the library to stock up on books. Over the next 9+ months, I read numerous books on pregnancy and babies and when Harper was born, I felt like I knew what I was doing. I handled baby Harper with ease and was comfortable in my abilities and knowledge, glad beyond glad that I'd taken the time to read and learn about infants/babies.

Then toddler hood came and I lost my footing a bit. Harper's tantrums and stubbornness frustrated me and my reactions to her occasionally poor behavior left me feeling sad and disappointed (in myself, not her). I don't know why I didn't visit the library again right away. 

Harper and I had some more struggles together and finally, about six months ago, I realized that I needed some literary help because Harper deserved more than she was getting from me. She deserved a well informed parent- one that was working to be better. Once again, I hit the library, bringing home a very large stack of books, some that I loved and a few that I returned after only a few pages. I thought I'd share a few of my favorites today, just in case anyone else out there in blogland is looking for some helpful literature on parenting.

This was the perfect read for me because, as you know, Harper is definitely more intense (and headstrong, perceptive, naughty, spunky, and challenging) than most children.

This one is a classic.

I haven't read the original but loved this updated (by Dr. Ginott's wife) version.

I'd read this before (back in college days) and thought that it would be helpful once again.
I am so glad I pulled it off of my bookshelf for a second look.

It's helped me improve nearly every relationship in my life.

I've been reading Kelle's blog for a while now and truly loved (and cried my way through) her book.

She offers some really solid thoughts on embracing the unexpected that inevitably comes along with parenting. This is all over blogland right now. Have you read it? What did you think?

This is another parenting classic.

I think that all parents, teachers, daycare workers, coaches, and grandparents should read it.

This strengthened my resolve against raising a "trophy kid."

We want Harper to be successful but we want her to be happy, kind, and honest, too.

I'm not of the belief that having a child and being a parent is enough. I want to be a good parent- a loving, kind, respectful, and encouraging parent who treats Harper as an equal. I want to learn and grow right along with Harper and I have seen a big difference in myself and our relationship since I took the time to start reading about, and focusing on, being a better mom for her. I've learned a lot about myself, and not just as a parent, through my studies and the subsequent self-evaluation and goal setting that has followed each book. I strongly believe that each new day presents us with an opportunity for growth and change and it's been a really awesome experience to challenge myself as a parent. I feel like I'm doing right by Harper and offering her many things my mom could never have given me because she was too proud to admit she may have needed some guidance. 

I'm not perfect as a parent and I'm well aware of the fact that I never will be, but I am trying to be better- to offer Harper more- every day and my efforts have made all the difference around our house. They have strengthened the bond between Harper and me and have given us more space and time to have fun and enjoy these early years of her life together. 

Have you read any good parenting books? If so, leave me a comment. I'm always on the hunt for reading material. 

From Us

Watching Harper change and grow has been the greatest- and most unexpected- joy of my life. She has been in constant evolution, physically and mentally, since she was born nearly three years ago. I know that she looks different to most people but to me, her mama, she looks pretty much the same (with a little more hair and a lot more sass, of course) as she did when we first brought her home in October of 2009. The features that defined her then (her big blue eyes, her pokey ears) are still there now and I love them in a fierce way.

I love everything about Harper, from the way that she smells to the way that she needs me when she has a tummy ache. She can be playing or eating or watching a movie, totally uninterested in me and suddenly, I'll be the only thing she wants. The minute that her tummy starts hurting, she runs to me saying, "Hold me, mama. My belly hurts."I love that. I even love her when she's mad. Despite the fact that they often frustrate me, I love her passion and determination.

Now that Harper is a little older, she doesn't need me as much (sad day, I know). She doesn't need me to hover over her when she is playing outside and I was recently moved from the gym to the waiting area at gymnastics class because Harper was placed in a more advanced group that doesn't require parental assistance (does it break my heart to know that our parent/child classes are over for good? Yes, it does). Sometimes when we are home and she is playing or watching one of her movies, she even asks to be alone. Harper isn't a kid that requires constant companionship. She appreciates, and often seeks out, space to be by herself. She got that from me.

She got lots of things from me. Now that I can sit back and observe her a bit instead of helicoptering (which I was never really good at, by the way), I'm starting to see myself in her more and more. She got lots of things from Colt, too- good things- and it's been really fun to watch them surface as she's lived and played and tried to find her place in our little world.

Traits that Harper got from me:
-pokey ears and full lips
-a sense of adventure and positivity
-girlishness (if it's pink, sparkly, or in any way princess-related, Harper loves it)
-some solid vocal chords- I'm pretty sure our neighbors have heard Harper singing
-the ability to play alone

Traits that Harper got from Colt:
-beautiful blue eyes and perfect curls
-stubbornness- the girl knows what she wants and will not normally be convinced otherwise
-coordination (lucky girl)
-social skills (Harper makes friends wherever we go while I'm quiet and socially awkward around my peers)
-confidence and self assurance (when I met Colt, his confidence was one of the things that I was most attracted to and it's something that I hoped and prayed Harper would get from him and thankfully, she did and I'm going to do everything I can to make that stick... forever... i want, above all else, for Harper to know, love, and appreciate herself and I don't want it to take nearly 30 years and a lifetime's worth of mistakes for her to get there...)

Some traits that Harper got from both of us:
-a love of animals, especially dogs (she's already asking for her own)
-energy (lots of it) and the need to be active
-a need for sleep (nobody in this house functions very well without adequate sleep and we all love naps)
-pale skin
-good teeth (Harper's teeth are, thus far, strong and straight and we are hoping they stay that way... Neither Colt nor I had braces so Harper's chances at naturally pretty teeth are high)

There are some things that are still undetermined. We don't yet know which school subjects will be her favorites or how her sense of humor will play out (Colt likes dirty boy jokes while I appreciate dry, more subtle, humor) or where she will fit in during her school years. Will she be popular like Colt was or nerdy and awkward like I was? Will she play sports or join choir (hopefully, she'll opt for both!)? Will she become more like me or more like Colt as she grows older? Or will she forge her own path and be nothing like either of us? Who knows?

Hopefully, she will want it all- to be at least a little like both of us and a lot like herself.

One trait that everyone likes to talk about is her height. Harps is quite tall for her age (about the size of a four year old) and everyone assumes that came from her dad. What most people don't know is that I was tall for my age, too. I was always one of the tallest in my grade until I was nine, which is when my body decided to reach puberty prematurely (yes, I had my first period when I was nine... you may go ahead and feel sorry for me now) and I stopped growing. This propensity to mature quickly is something I myself inherited, which means that Harper has a good chance of it happening to her. This is the one physical trait that I absolutely don't want Harper to get from me, not because I care if she is short but because no nine year old should have to deal with periods and bras.

The funny thing is that if I had to pick which traits Harper got from us, my choices wouldn't be much different from the lists above. Harper has taken bits and pieces from both of us and made them her own (for example, she uses Colt's coordination to dance and sing-with the vocal chords she got from me- to songs that I taught her to love) which has, in turn, made her completely unique and utterly wonderful.

This Summer is Awesome (photographic proof included)!

I feel like I've been a pretty lame blogger lately. This summer has just been so fun. Colt and I have been spending a lot of time together (which is something that we have really needed since pregnancy and parenting took over our lives not long after we started dating) and I've been reading as much as I possibly can and enjoying lots of adventures with Harper.

Basically, I've just been living and it's getting in the way of blogging. I'm not complaining, though, and I'm not apologizing. This has been my favorite summer ever.

Here is just a little bit of info (and a few instagrams) about what I've been up to:

My birthday- It was awesome and I learned a very valuable lesson about camping, perhaps the most important of all camping lessons: NEVER MAKE A S'MORE WITHOUT NUTELLA. There were other lessons to be learned as well: wine makes everything, even camping, feel classier... squirrels will steal your marshmallows, even when they are three times bigger than their own heads... and nearly everyone, even meat eaters, can enjoy a roasted veggie dog.

Playing with Harper- She starts gymnastics again tonight and we are both over-the-moon excited. We have also been hiking, snow coning (Harper now only eats "Mermaid" (aka blue raspberry/lemon lime mix) flavor, swimming (at Aunt Calli's house), shopping, walking, and zoo visiting. This summer with Harper has been nothing short of awesome. She is so curious and excited about everything we do, and I find that her excitement is really quite contagious.

Running- The half marathon is three months away and I'm training like crazy (advice in this area is always welcome- just comment or e-mail me). This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. Seriously. Learning and memorizing the Rachmaninoff 2nd Concerto would be easy in comparison. I'm committed, though, and I plan to see this thing through to the end.

Singing- I've been invited to join two different touring choirs (I haven't chosen between them yet). One is going to Prague next summer and, as you can imagine, that is pretty tempting. It's been too long since I was last in Europe- seriously, I need some fresh European pastries in my life and my mouth. While I'm choosing between the two choirs, I'm working on getting my voice up to par. It's fun to sing with a purpose again. Really fun (and a little frustrating because my voice is completely out of shape).

Reading- I've been reading anything and everything I can get my hands on. It's been nice to put my blog roll away for a while and just enjoy books. One of my birthday presents was a Kindle Fire and I've had fun getting used to it. I will still be reading real books, though, so don't worry. I could never give them up. I do love the Kindle Fire at night when Colt is trying to sleep and I want to read in bed. I also love that it slides right in my purse. When I go on vacation, I normally have four or five books with me. This new toy is going to make my luggage a whole lot lighter. :) I also love that it connects to wifi. I've been browsing the internet on it like crazy. It's so much easier than the Macbook and has inspired me to consider an iPad for Colty come Christmastime.

Sleeping- I've taken more naps this summer than ever before in my life and it's been amazing. Harper and I nap together as often as we can. We read a story and then crash out for an hour or so. She's a snugly sleeper and I love it.

Arriving at our camp spot and Harper helping Colt get set up.

A bottle of wine to get the weekend started (thanks, neighbors!) and a some laughs by the campfire.

Turning 29 at midnight by the fire with my baby sleeping on me = best thing ever.

Harper and her Aunt Calli and the entrance to our campground. 

With Mac (one of my favorites) and a nice big slice of my birthday cake.

Kenzie's hat (a most appropriate choice for my birthday) and a little walk around our campground with Harper (we were at Redman, which is about 14 miles up Big Cottonwood Canyon).

Harper and her BFF Paityn (she told Harper about the Mermaid Snow Cone and I, in turn, told our local snow cone staff about it) getting ready for a swim party and a big slippery slide splash.

A houseguest (while my in-laws are partying at Lake Powell) and last night's hike to Cecret Lake.

Wildflowers (a true obsession of mine) and a Mermaid Snow Cone (a true obsession of Harper's).

Hiking Utah: Dog Lake

We hiked to Cecret Lake again last night and it reminded me that I needed to post about another recent hike. A couple of weeks ago, Colt, Harper, Tucker, and I hiked to Dog Lake. To get there, we hiked the Big Water Trail (it can also be accessed from Little Water Trail which is shorter but steeper than Big Water Trail), which is located at the top of Millcreek Canyon. It was really fun to hike with Tucker (dogs are allowed in the upper part of Millcreek Canyon on odd numbered days).

When we decided to do the 6 mile (round trip) hike to Dog Lake, Colt tried to convince me that we needed to go without Harper. I insisted that we take her at least once and promised to piggy back her if/when she got tired (famous last words). I wound up doing so for the majority of the hike up and all of the walk back down (I rewarded my obvious toughness with an enormous veggie burrito from Chipotle, of which I ate every single bite). It was pretty tiring and my ankles were quite sore for a couple of days but in the end, I was glad she was with us.

Dog Lake is not the most impressive or scenic lake around, but the dogs love it because they can swim and play in it. Tucker isn't a big fan of swimming but he had a good time hiking and meeting some new friends (Harper even met a little friend, named Michelle... together, they shared cheese and crackers and talked about all of the important things in life: dogs, princesses, age, and snacks).

The hike itself was wonderful. It was quiet and peaceful and very pretty with lots of wildflowers and beautiful views of the surrounding mountains. I'm really looking forward to going again (sans Harper) and hopefully taking my camera. This time around, I only had my iPhone and I'd love the chance to get some good shots of Tucker (he's only four months old in his photo on our wall so we need to get that replaced... and yes, we are those odd sort of people that have pictures of our dogs hanging up... go ahead and judge us... we are crazy and proud of it).

Garbage Day Randomness

~Last year, I gave myself a really awesome birthday present- the gift of self acceptance (read the post here)- and it was honestly the best thing I've ever done. It was also the most difficult (a 30 page piano concerto is nothing compared to getting over an eating disorder). The gift of acceptance hasn't been easy and it hasn't always made me happy. There have been days when the scale has hung over my head like a dark and damaging cloud, telling me that I can't be lovable, pretty, content, or successful unless I force myself back down to 94 pounds. There have been days when I haven't wanted to leave the house because I wasn't skinny enough to be seen in public (you don't need to tell me this is ridiculous- believe me, I already know...).

Breaking the eating disorder habit has been frustrating and challenging and I've cried more times that I care to admit, but throughout the past 12 months, I've stayed committed to myself. I've just keep reminding myself to be on my side. It's been a long year, but it's also been a year of growth and strengthening for me and on the eve of my 29th birthday, I must say that I'm proud of myself. I'm still not completely at ease with my body image- and I'm pretty sure I never will be- but I'm proud that I have a strong and able body. I'm proud of myself for eating well and preparing for an upcoming half marathon. I'm proud of myself for setting a healthy example for Harper. I never want her to obsess over food and body weight. Never. Ever. Ever.

 I'd like to talk a little more about the past year and about finally saying goodbye to a controlling food obsession but today isn't the day. I'm getting ready for a weekend in the mountains with the people that I love most so we will just have to get to that next week. It's nearly my birthday, after all, and I don't feel much like crying.

~I've been reading a lot lately and it's felt really good to just drown in books instead of twiddling away time on pinterest or facebook. I haven't read much since we moved. I don't know if I just got out of the habit or what but a recent visit (or three) to the library turned that right around and I'm back to the bookworm life, reading all night and daydreaming about fictional people and places all day.

I just finished a historical novel about Nazi Germany, Those Who Save Us, by Jenna Blum. I don't know how I'd never read or heard of this one before now (it came out in 2004). I loved it. The author intentionally didn't use any quotation marks, making the reader feel as if they are really in the story and not just reading about it. If you enjoy historical fiction or books about the mother/daughter relationship, I'd give this a read.

I'll share more recent favorites next week when I'm back from my birthday weekend camp out (which is, just so you know, going to be awesome- times a million!).

~I love the Olympics. Love them. And I love Micheal Phelps (he's one of my very few boy crushes). And Gabby Douglas. I love that girl and I cried a ridiculous amount of tears last night when she took gold.  

~I had my hair done yesterday and I'm seriously so happy. It feels amazing to have fresh color (my stylist, by the way was very impressed with the state of my hair... after three months, I still don't have any split ends and I'm pretty sure it's all due to olive oil... have you tried it yet?). Harper joined me at the salon and had a little trim herself. It was her first official salon visit and I could tell that she thought herself to be pretty fancy (just as long as Whit didn't use the blow dryer... Harper hate blow dryers). She did quite well and couldn't wait to tell Colt all about it when we got home.

I think that's about it. I need to get off the computer and finish packing for the weekend. I'm so excited to spend my birthday with the rock stars of my life and I'm surprisingly okay with the fact that I'm turning 29. I've decided that, like wine, I'm going to just get better with age. 

Be sure to eat a cupcake for me tomorrow, okay? If you are feeling especially festive, have a dance party, too. If not, that's okay. Either way, have a wonderful weekend.

Much love!

Random Awesomeness

The contents of Harper's purse:

An Olympics-inspired gymnastics uniform and practice:

Harper has been out of gymnastics since we moved.

She starts at The Little Gym next Wednesday and is super excited.

So am I.

Nobody does gymnastics cuteness quite like Harper.