When We Are Called to Rise

In regards to life goal #10 from Day 25 of the 30 Days of Random Abbyness...

"10. Become a 100% loving and positive being (I was doing well with this but have struggled recently. I'm working on it. This requires a daily- almost momentarily- effort and awareness.)"


This has been on my mind a lot as of late. I believe that there is no more direct way to happiness for me than to become a completely loving and positive person. For a few years, I was doing really well. I was positive and strong and I was literally creating my own happiness. 


Then life got in the way and I slipped. I lost my grasp on optimism and I gave in to the temptations of negativity and hatred. I started thinking negative things and even sunk so low as to say negative things. (Am I surprised that I received negative outcomes in return? Not at all.) Negativity is a powerful force and in a moment of weakness, it overtook me. I gave in to the negativity of others, something which I used to be immune to. I gave in to my own ugly pessimism. I am ashamed to say that stopped seeing nothing but the good in everything and everybody. 


Really, what is the point of thinking negatively? What is the point of choosing unhappiness?


In thinking about this lately, a line from an Emily Dickinson poem came to mind...

"We can never know how high we are until we are called to rise..."

I thought I was pretty high. Then I was called to rise. I chose, instead, to regress and now I find that I am not high at all. I have, in fact, failed at my goal. That makes me sad. I'm better than that. I have a bigger heart and a bigger vision that than. In my vision, I have strong, happy, loving, and positive thoughts. 

Over the past week, I've made a change. Every time negativity comes a-knocking at my mind's door, I greet it with a great, big positive thought. It feels amazing- in my mind, my heart, and my body- to be choosing happiness once again (happiness is a choice). Yes, I feel a physical difference. My mind is that powerful. 

I think this was a big part of the funk I was in a while back. Remember? I was living without reading, without music, without yoga, and without joy. It was terrible. Now I have put all of those most important elements back, I feel so good. I feel like Abby again. I feel like I can do anything. 

Next time I am called to rise, I will be better.

 I will rise.