Not Ready

I'm still not ready to post. I'm not ready to resume life as usual. My heart is still broken for the people of Newtown, Connecticut and I continue to cry every time I see an article, facebook post, or newscast about what happened last Friday morning. I can't even bring myself to look at pictures of those precious children because I know I'll see the same beauty and innocence in their eyes that I see every time I look at Harper and I just don't think I can face that right now. I don't know if I will ever be able to. Death is scary to me because I am still trying to figure out what it is that I believe. Guns and mass shootings are also scary. Helplessness is scary. The loss of a child is absolutely terrifying. I am trying to be hopeful and to look forward with faith but right now, I'm still sad.