Never Say Never

Forgive me for a minute while I eat my words. Several years ago, I left some pretty big parts of my life behind, one being the spiritual association I'd had with the Mormon church. At the time I was adamant that I'd never again be sucked into the security blanket of religion, especially one that claims so many small minded and unaccepting people as members. I walked away from everything even remotely spiritual in my life, believing that I'd fare better on my own. A busy and modern girl like myself was certainly better off without the hassle of religion, right? Let me remind you that was the same girl who was never having children, either.

Enter Harper.

Everything changes when you have a child. At least that is what happened for me. That busy and modern girl is still here. She just has more to live for now. Suddenly it's not so easy to write off the traditions I grew up with. I look at Harper and wonder what her life will be like. I think about the many things I want for her as she grows. This has been on my mind a lot lately since I've been writing the wish letter for her birthday time capsule. Do I want her life to ever be anything like mine as it is now? No. Not one bit. Do I want her to ever have to look in the mirror and question every part of her existence? No. Do I want her to become a cynical girl who doesn't believe in true love? No. Do I want her to sacrifice and settle for something that is always just short of happiness? No.

Basically, I want so much more for her than I've ever wanted for myself.

Today, I cleaned my bathroom. I put my music on shuffle and as I was wiping down my sink, "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing" came on. (Now keep in mind that while I've not attended church or done anything Mormon-related for years- unless eating funeral potatoes counts- I've maintained a love for church music. The musician in me has never been able to deny what my heart and mind have tried desperately to hide away. I always knew that if anything brought me back to spirituality, it would be music. The musical programs and experiences I had as a member of the church are still among my fondest memories at the piano.) Anyway, the lyrics of this specific song ("Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love...") hit my soul like a ton of bricks. I realized, without a doubt, that if any of the things I want for Harper are going go happen, I need to offer her more than a worldly experience. I need to help her know and love God and to know that she has a purpose greater than just one life upon this earth.

I don't really know what do no next. All I know is that I want Harper to be a girl who loves God in her own way yet respects that everyone has the right to do the same. I want her to be open-minded and caring towards all people and to be a girl who truly deserves the respect of those around her. I want her to become wise and educated, cultured and well-rounded. I want her to love animals and have respect for the miracle of life in every form. I want her to find balance and experience the inner peace that comes from avoiding the jealousy and judgement of others. I want her to find the person who makes her better in every way... the person who helps her reach her potential and makes her feel beautiful every day. All in all, I want her to feel beautiful (inside and out) every day.

Okay, I ate my words - sort of... leave it to the power of music to interrupt my to-do list with these big ideas. Thanks for letting me share my afternoon bathroom-cleaning thoughts with you.