One Girl, Two Father's Day Cards

I am going Father's Day shopping tomorrow and, for the first time in my life, I'll be purchasing two cards- one for Jack, my dad, and one for Papa Dave, my birth father. It's usually a simple thing, buying greeting cards, but this time, it's a big thing. It will be a milestone that I've been waiting for since I was five years old. Buying two cards makes it official. I have two dads. I love two dads.

For a long time, I was afraid. I was afraid of hurting my dad or taking away from the love and relationship that we share, which is one of the most special parts of my life. I was afraid of hurting my mom. I was also afraid of making a step towards reconnection and finding myself unwelcome.

I've been under some misconception that I can't possibly have two dads in my life, so I've shut David out and let hate and bitterness grow where love and openness should have been.

A year ago, I decided to be done with all of that negativity. I sheepishly asked David if we could come visit, which has turned out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made. Harper and I have had so much fun reconnecting with him and his wife. When we go to his house and I see that he has photos of me on the wall and newspaper articles about me saved in a folder, I realize that I've always been welcome there and that I've always been a part of their lives.

I'm no longer afraid of hurting feelings or crossing a line. I don't even know if there is a line and at this point, I don't care. I just want to love the people in my life while I can.

Spending time with Papa Dave over the past year has been a blessing in my life. Seeing him with Harper has been nothing but joy. As truths have come out and I've learned some of the circumstances surrounding my adoption and David's place in my life over the past 25 years, I've found peace. I've thought a lot about it and I've put myself in his shoes. I've cried as I thought about what things must have been like for him over the past two and a half decades. I've come to understand that there was never a lack of love on his part, which is something that I needed to know in order to let go of some of the ghosts that have trailed behind me, keeping me down and damaged.

I've learned a lot this year. I've learned that it's okay to have two dads. I've learned that letting Papa Dave in doesn't take away from the love I have for my dad (really, nothing ever could). I've learned that there is enough love to go around. There is room in my heart, and my life, for both of them.

I've really come to believe the notion that our hearts have an unlimited capacity for love. When we let someone new (or not so new) in, someone else isn't pushed out in order to make room. Rather, our hearts will make space for whomever we choose to love.

I know now, after a lot of thought, that the best thing I can do for myself (and for Harper) is to just go with it- to own my place and to have/love/spend time with both of my dads. This life is too short to do anything less.

Speaking of Harper, I love that she doesn't even consider that having two grandpas on my side might not be normal. She doesn't wonder whether it's okay or not okay to love both of them. She just does it. And that's what I need to do, too.

With these two and her Papa Doug (Colt's dad) on her team, Harper is set. All three of her grandpas love her with some pretty big love, and she returns the feeling ten fold to each of them. She is a lucky girl to have such good men in her life.

So is her mama.