Thinking About

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about life and what's important. Is it money? No. Importance? Definitely not. I think that's why I am totally comfortable running a daycare. My concern is not with working my way up the ladder of life. Too many people stress out over jobs they hate (loathe, even) in order to buy things that promise satisfaction but never actually bring it.

I don't want to be like that. Ever.

For me, life is about all things good: fun, laughter, enjoyment, learning, growing, and love. I like money, yes, because I like having a house and food and clothing but surprisingly, I don't find myself wishing for more/bigger/better. I say that it's surprising because I tend to be a bit materialistic and I am a bit obsessed with pretty things (handbags, in particular) but for the most part, I don't ever feel like I don't have enough. I like it that way. I like being content. It makes life so much easier.

For me, being content is a choice and I find that the more aware I become of myself and my attitude, I realize that nearly everything, outside circumstances aside, is a choice. Our thoughts are choices, too- big ones that, whether we know it or not, shape our lives. If you think you need more money/stuff/praise/power, you will find it hard to live without it. Your need (the one you think you have) for more of these unessential things will never be satiated. On the other hand, if you think you have enough, you will have enough. It's all a matter of perspective and it all begins in the mind.

Once I realized all of this, life became beautiful. Every single day became beautiful. Happiness and satisfaction aren't just goals. They are pathways. Instead of telling myself that I'll be happy when such and such happens or I get a big something or other, I tell myself that I'm happy now. I'm happy today (it's not always easy for me... some days are harder than others, you know?). Even though today is just regular day without praise, a promotion, a new purse, or anything else overly exciting, and I'm still in my pajamas, I'm happy. 

I have Colt, Harper, Hazel and Tucker, and, cliche or not, I could not ask for or want anything more. Because of them, my life is filled with love and love is what makes me happy.

What makes you happy?

images via pinterest 

Crocs

This was true, until today.

As it turns out, Harper can make even the ugliest of shoes look good.

She is officially the first person ever to look cute in a pair of Crocs.

(These awful things became a necessity after Harper destroyed 

3 pairs of Nordstrom ballet flats within a month.

I always swore I'd never buy them for her.

Once again, Harper is making me eat my words.

It's a good thing she's so cute or else I'd have to be angry at her.)

Fierce but Fragile

Harper is fierce and determined, and- in her mind at least- she is quite grown up (she can get her own chocolate chips out of the fridge and brush her teeth without help, you know). She is smart and aware and curious and far too independent for my liking.

But she is also fragile.

She is little and she is breakable and she still needs me (don't tell her that, though, because she won't believe you).

Last week, Harper and I were at the playground. I was swinging (I'm such a kid) and she was climbing. Then, she fell.

We have never babied her over little falls or stumbles. Instead of reacting, we've stood back and let Harper decide whether she was hurt or not. Normally, Harper hops right up from a fall, not even thinking of crying, and immediately returns to playing. This time was different, however. This time she cried and when I picked her up, she asked to go home because her arm hurt.

Harper has NEVER (not an exaggeration) asked to go home from the park. Leaving the playground usually entails one of two things: a candy bribe or a tantrum. I prefer the candy, FYI.

Anyway, I was quite worried and pushed her home (we'd walked to the park) as quickly as I possibly could. Together, Colt and I examined her and we decided that she was fine (she could do arm circles and reach to the sky, after all). We agreed to keep an eye on her. We just aren't the type of parents that run to a doctor over every little thing.

For the next week, Harper's arm was sensitive. We noticed that she favored it when she was running and if you picked her up or played with her in a certain way, she'd wince and let you know that, "Parper's arm hurt."

Yesterday, it seemed worse and so we decided to take her to the Sandy Instacare. She was such a big girl during the whole experience. The x-ray machine was a little bit intimidating at first but with just a little coaxing (and popsicle promise), she was totally willing to stand still and say "cheeeeese" for us. She also hopped on the scale (35.5 pounds!) and let the nurse measure her (3'2"!) without a fight. I know she was keeping watch for a shot needle, though. Had one of those come out, her mood would have turned sour, for sure.

As it turns out, Harper has a small buckle fracture (I had to google it, too, so don't feel too badly) just below her left shoulder.

One month in a sling (an extra special Snoopy sling) and she will be as good as new.

Still, I cried like a baby once we got in the car to go home.

Can't Harper just be hurt-proof?

I know that bones break and that they heal but I'm sad for her, nonetheless. I don't want to be a helicopter parent. I don't want to hover over Harper and I don't want to try to protect her from everything because 1. that's impossible and 2. that's no fun for anyone. Still, I hate to see her hurting. I hate to see her fragility exposed, even if she does look adorable in her little sling.

I also know (from experience) that hearts break, too, and I hate to imagine the day when Harper experiences a big emotional hurt.

Oh. I can't even think of it. I just cant.

The good news is that such a day is still a long way (10-15 years, hopefully) off. For now, my main concern can be physical hurts and I'm okay with that because physical hurts are, for the most part, so much easier to take on than emotional hurts. Also, with Harper as a kid, watching out for physical hurts is a pretty easy job. She rarely gets hurt (thank heaven that she inherited her dad's coordination) and when she does, she bounces back like a champ, especially when she has a new swing set to encourage her.

My Life According to Instagram...

I'm feeling a bit down/disappointed/heavy hearted today.

The "real" post that I had planned will have to wait until tomorrow.

Until then, here are a few recent instagrams...

My Grinch snuggling Harper's Grinch is so cute.

Occasionally, my ears make an appearance.

They never stay out for long, though, because they make me look like Minnie Mouse.

They are so much cuter on Harper than me.

Sometimes Harper feels like being fabulous.

And other times, she feels like playing the drums at 11:15 p.m.

Why?

I wish I knew.

The dress I wore to Calli's shower was my favorite.

It had tiny cupids all over it- the perfect pattern for a pre-wedding celebration.

Things like this happen and my heart melts/breaks/skips a beat/nearly bursts.

Seriously.

Harper totally enjoyed one of Colt's birthday cupcakes.

(He always wants yellow cake with chocolate frosting.)

Harper's fanciness never ends.

These poor shoes lasted only a month.

Obviously, Harper is enjoying our backyard.

My friend Misty was right when she said:

"Hooray for the tramp being outside and not in the living room!"

Having a yard and playroom for all of Harper's stuff (and she has a lot of it) is amazing.

This snugly cuteness happens every night around here.

I'd be a lost soul without my little Hazelnut to keep me company after everyone else is in bed.

I also enjoyed a birthday cupcake (or four) yesterday.

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A Special Day

May 23 is a special day around here.

It's Colt's birthday.

Today he is turning 27 (please keep any and all "cradle robbing" jokes to yourself, thanks).

In honor of this most special day, here are a few things that you may not know about Colty...

He's a twin (that means it's Calli's birthday today, too. Happy birthday, Calli! You are an amazing sister-in-law and one of my best friends).

Before he was a husband, father, production planner (Colt works at L-3 Communications and I'd love to tell you what he does exactly but the truth is... I don't know), Colt was a professional baseball player (a super sexy one).

Colt has more hobbies (hunting, fishing- bass, ice, fly, etc.-, golf, softball...) than anyone I know (the guy likes to be busy). The crazy thing about it is that he's really good at all of them (and not just according to him).

Colty has an especially soft spot in his heart for dogs. It's one of my favorite things about him.

My favorite physical feature about Colt is his hair. It's naturally curly and, when styled properly, is totally Dr. Derek Shepherdish (I love that Harper got this from him- love it).

Colt is a really big person (6'5, 240) and it's nearly impossible to find stylish clothing for him. I'd never stepped foot into the "big and tall" section before I met Colt (for obvious reasons) and I wish I'd never had to because the offerings are terrible. If you know of a stylish clothing line that caters to big people, let me know because I need more options when shopping for Colty (and then you'll be my hero forever and ever) and if you work for H&M, please start making pants/shirts/shorts/jackets for big boys.

Colt is addicted to a number of boring (to me, at least) shows. They include, but are not limited to, The Deadliest Catch, American Gun, Pawn Stars, and Wicked Tuna. I'd honestly rather watch Harper's TV shows than Colt's.

Colt is a junk food junkie. He loves chips, cookies, popcorn, Cheetos (the Jalapeno Cheddar ones are his favorite), beef jerky, candy, and pop. It's hard (nearly impossible, actually) to be healthy with him around. He's also a sushi fanatic. I can't forget beer, which is probably his favorite treat ever. Colty loves nothing more than an ice cold bev (his word, not mine). As a matter of fact, he called me about an hour ago to ask me to put more in the fridge (drinking on a work night is totally acceptable.. it's his birthday, after all).

Colt's favorite movie is Happy Gilmore.

Colt loves his truck (like as much- maybe more than- he loves me... Not really, I hope).

What else?

Colt is the strong/silent type. Sometimes (most times, actually), he's hard to be around because his lack of enthusiasm for chit chat can make him seem like a jerk (he's not really... he just doesn't like to talk)/ It's been an adjustment for me over the past few years (mainly because I never stop talking) but I know that he loves me and I love him. He has supported me through quite a lot and I'll never be able to thank him enough for it. He also loves his family (and with good cause, too). He's a good man and a hard worker and I love that he knows how to have a good time (Colty's drunken grin is probably my favorite thing ever). He totally doesn't read my blog but just in case (miracles never cease, you know)... Happy birthday, baby!

Colt is the one person I don't have a gazillion photos of.

I don't know why.

I'll have to make an effort to change that.

Dear Harper

Dearest Harper,

You have more energy than any person needs. Please give some of it to me so that I can keep up with you without feeling like a member of the walking dead by the end of each day.

You're a little wild these days. Two days ago, you pinched me when I made you come inside for the evening. It hurt a whole bunch and left a mark. Yesterday, you tried to bite me as I put you in the bath (which, considering that you were covered in dirt, was desperately needed) and today when I brought you inside for a nap, you scratched me as hard as you could (obviously, you needed that nap). You had a crazy look in your eyes when you did it, too, and I didn't quite know what to think. I still love you, though.

Everyday, we are faced with emotional challenges. You're young and I know that you're still learning how to deal with yours. You'll get there. Just remember to always think (like 10 times, minimum) before you speak/act/react. Never let your momentary anger/frustration/excitement make decisions for you and please, please please... never let them speak for you. Words are quickly said but not quickly forgiven or forgotten.

You are not always a little monster. Most of the time, you are sweet and happy and loving. Please don't ever stop hugging me and please, for the love of God, stop calling me "mom." I'm your mama (and will be forever, even when you are in college).

You are a dog lover. Please don't ever change that. Loving an animal (especially a dog) is a precious blessing that brings immeasurable happiness. I want you to have respect for all life and I want you to understand that every creature is miraculous and beautiful. I love the way you play with Hazelnut and Tucker and every time you point out a dog ("Look, mama. A cute doggy!") when we are driving or taking a walk, my heart melts.

Your new swing set came today (thanks to Grandma Paulette and Grandpa Jack) and you are so so so excited for your dad to come home and put it together (just look at your face in the photo below). I am, too, because I can't wait to see you playing on it. I just want you to remember that you will never be too old for swinging (FYI: your mom still swings at the park when no other parents are around to judge her). You will never be too old to play. It is important that you know this and remind yourself of it often. A lot of grown ups have forgotten and they think that life is all about work and money and acquiring big, fancy stuff. Really, though, it's not. Life is about happiness. Life is about joy. Do something fun everyday, even if it's little, okay?

Much love, my sweet. Much love.

I'm Back. Hooray!

We bought a house. We packed. We moved. We unpacked. I, along with my fellow bridesmaids, planned and hosted Calli's bachelorette party. Then we hosted her shower.

The past couple of months have been crazy busy. I have been too physically exhausted and mentally drained to read/write/think about blogs/blogging.

But everything is over and I can breathe easy. I can read again and I can practice yoga and take Harper to the park and watch Netflix movies and play the piano and it's wonderful.

And I can blog.

I mean it when I say that I'm back.

I'm crossing my fingers (and toes) hoping that you're still here because truly, I've missed you.

What in the world have you been up to? How's life (wonderful, I hope)? Do you have any fun summer plans? Have you tried any amazing/awful beauty products lately? Please fill me in. I feel like I've been away from blogland for just about forever.

On my end, everything is really great. I'm blessed and that's all there is to it.

I have some plans for this little blog. Among my list of post-move goals was to give this blog a whole bunch of love and see it (hopefully) move to a higher level.

I just need to figure out how to do it.

In the meantime, here is a little sampling of what we have been up to...

Harper puts on a tutu and plays in the dirt every single day.

True story.

I think I already showed you these truffles.

They were perfect for Calli's shower.

I have some really great instagrams from the bachelorette party.

I'll share them with you tomorrow.

For now, let's just say that tequila brings out my fun side.

Meet Max.

He's our neighbor dog and we love him.

Harper is especially crazy for him and hollers, "Maxi! Maxi!" every time she sees him.

The bridal shower cupcakes were cute and delicious, a dangerous combination.

I made CD favors and they were a hit.

And... cuteness.

Seriously and ridiculously adorable cuteness.

Belated

It’s another crazy week around here (am I sounding like a broken record yet?). I am getting ready for the shower and I have projects coming out the ear. Everything will slow down next week and hopefully I’ll be a better blogger. Hopefully.

I am just dropping in to say a quick hello and to wish all of my mommy friends a (belated) Happy Mother’s Day.

There is nothing quite like motherhood. I didn’t really understand life- the fragility, imperfection, and miraculousness of it all- until I became a mother. I used to think that I knew everything. Then Harper was born and I realized that I didn’t know anything.  

I also realized that I’d been way too harsh on both of my moms. It’s always easy to judge a situation from the outside, isn’t it? It’s easy to feel like your mom failed you in about a million ways before you have a child of your own. Then you have a little Harper girl and you start to understand that your mother was pretty awesome for taking on the most challenging/heartbreaking/awesome/unappreciated job in the world.

I often think about motherhood and about the mothers in my life. In fact, if I write a book (which many of you are telling me to do), it will most likely be about my experiences with both sides of motherhood.

I have two moms and I can honestly say that I appreciate both of them and the things that they have done for me. Both of my mothers did what they thought best for me. Their decisions regarding me have made for a wonderful life. I am who I am because of the combined choices of my mothers. 

Despite the fact that Christianne walked out of my life over two decades ago and I’ve only seen her a handful of times since, she is a huge presence in my life. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. For a long time, I was so angry with her (there are days/weeks/months when I still am), but now I’m starting to understand that she did for me what many mothers can’t/won't (even though they should). She was brave enough to see that she couldn’t give me what I needed and she was strong enough to give me more by giving me up. In a way, she was selfish and selfless at the same time and I think that, at this point, I can do nothing but be thankful for that.

I love Christianne. I don’t even know her but I love her and that fact doesn’t diminish the impact that Paulette has had on my life. It doesn’t make her any less of a mom to me. It doesn’t mean I don’t love her, too.

You can have two moms and you can love them both and that’s okay. It’s taken nearly thirty years for me to make peace with that fact.

Paulette is my mom and my best friend and even though our relationship isn’t perfect, I love her. Some people don’t understand adoption. They don’t understand loving someone else’s child. What they fail to realize is that an adopted child isn’t someone else’s child. An adopted child is your child. He/she is your child because you love them and care for them and give your whole heart to them in the same way that you would if you had grown them in your body for nine months.

Growing a person in your body for nine months is pretty awesome but caring for and loving person every day for 30 years (well, almost 30) is super awesome. 

Paulette has given me more love (and patience and forgiveness and about a million other things) than I ever deserved. I have been a broken mess for most of my life and in every moment-happy, sad, disappointing, or devastating- she has been there. Her love is the most constant thing I’ve ever known and I know that without it, I would not be here. That's a strong statement, I know, but it's true. Without Paulette I would not have survived the dark days of this life.

If you’re a mother, you are amazing and awesome and you deserve to be revered and celebrated every day of the year and not just on Mother’s Day. Still, I hope that you had a lovely holiday (I know that I did) and I hope you were pampered and spoiled and cuddled and loved all day long. And I hope that you’ll forgive me for being so late in wishing you a most happy Mother’s Day.

Much love, my friends, much love.

Thank you for your patience throughout the move and my recent inconsistency. I love you for being here and I love sharing my life/thoughts/photos/random ramblings with you.

I also love Harper (even when she insists on staying up until 11:30- see the pic below). Harper changed my life, my heart, my dreams, and basically my entire world when she made me a mother. 

P.S. Sisters-in-Law

My sisters-in-law are my favorite. It's been so fun to do everything for Calli's big day (which I hope you're not tired of hearing about, since it's still a month away) with them.

Here we are last weekend at Calli's family shower, which my mother-in-law hosted (my in-laws live on a private lane and have the most beautiful backyard- the perfect spot for a party... it's where we had Harper's first birthday).

Harps was there, too, and she had a great time, due mainly to the fact that there were strawberries AND cakepops.

 Look at that: a real hairstyle (it only lasted about an hour).

Garbage Day Randomness

Happy Friday, my friends! Does anyone have anything awesome planned for the weekend? I've already told you that I do. Tomorrow's bachelorette party will be awesome, I can promise you that. It will probably be beyond awesome, actually, considering the ladies that will be in attendance. Gah. I can't even wait.

Party planning/preparation has my attention right now and so instead of randomness on this lovely garbage day, I'm going to offer you some serious cuteness. Harper cuteness, that is.

Harper LOVES to reenact the LM scene in which Ariel sings to Eric from the rock.

Last night, Harper made a surprise royal appearance at Subway.

It was not announced prior and so I must apologize to any of you who missed it.

This kid. She's cute.

Whit came over to put a gloss on my hair and Harps insisted on having a turn.

She might be the youngest girl ever to have glossy hair.

I've been going through my party dresses this week.

I was trying to find something for tomorrow and Harper had too much fun helping out.

(PS I failed and wound up with a new Chelsea and Violet dress. I'm hopeless.)

She will only wear her sunglasses upside down.

And... precious.

Today I Am...

1. Fighting a yucky kidney infection. It, combined with antibiotics, is kicking my energy level in the behind. Therefore, I'm having a quietish sort of day (quietish means no cleaning or yard work).

2. Catching up on Smash. This show is awesome and I love it.

(People compare Smash to Glee and they shouldn't. Musical numbers aside, the two shows are really nothing alike. Smash is a nighttime TV drama while Glee is a show about love. Glee is full of inspiring messages about friendship, equality, kindness, and dreaming. I love it and cry during nearly every episode- I'm especially obsessed with Kurt and Blaine. Smash is just a nighttime drama, but it's still fun.)

3. Turning these:

into these:

Calli's bridal shower is a week from Saturday and I am going like crazy to get things ready. Her bachelorette party is this weekend and it's going to be a great time. We are doing an overnighter in Park City, complete with dinner, The Downstairs, and two suites at The Marriott. I am seriously excited. I can honestly say that being a bridesmaid (for Calli, at least) is just as fun, if not more so, than being a bride.

What are you guys up to?